Struggles

Long time, no see.  Life gets in the way again.  It’s hard to juggle everything as a wife, mother, and full-time worker.  With a family farm to help support and a creative brain that gets a little crazy dreaming of and starting (but not always finishing) projects.  

Lately, I’ve been struggling.  I feel like I am somehow, someday going to have a home-based creative business, but I haven’t figured out exactly what it will be – an online shop for quilts and other handmade goods, a booth in an antique mall featuring quilts and reloved furniture, a brick and mortar quilt shop?  I don’t know.  And I don’t know when.  But I feel the call and lure, and I have a feeling somehow I need to move towards that.  Lately I feel like I’ve been living in a mist, and I don’t know what the right step is, or if it’s even something I should start working on now.  Maybe it’s destined for a later season in life.  I’m just . . . confused, unsettled, unsure.  

And this blog, I love it, I love having the record of things I’ve made and accomplished.  It helps to look at it when I’m feeling frustrated.  But I have the same hazy vision of what it could and/or should be.  I just don’t know.  

I wrote in my journal that “I kind of wish God would just open that door wide and blow me away with it so I know exactly what I’m supposed to do, but maybe he is and I’m missing it?”  Can you tell I have issues with anxiety?  And control?

Anyways, I thought maybe I’m not the only one.  And everything I read on blog branding, etc. says to be you and authentic.  

So this is me.  Being authentic.  Letting you know some of the thoughts and struggles that whirl around in my brain.  

Oregon Trail looking West at Scott's Bluff, Nebraska

All that to say, I’m here.  I’ve been doing all summer but not posting.  I feel like I’m struggling through the murk of what I should/want to be doing.  

I've got a few posts lurking in draft form, a newly finished quilt (and a not-so-newly finished quilt), and some other things to share, so I'm going to try and ease back in.  I’m hoping that getting back in the saddle will help me find my way.  All I can do is muddle forward, right?